Algo en que pensar...Love, Desire, and Caring

Hay alguien que sé quién me hace pensár mucho. Esta muchacha tiene, más o menos, un año más que mí. Sus ojos oscuros, su pelo café que fluye en el viento, piel suave, hacen que me vuélvo loco siempre que la vea. Mis latidos del corazón aceleran, aún más rápidamente. Comienzo a sudar. Y las palabras se me ván. La he conocido por casi cinco años, y debido a miedo, simplemente no puedo decirle cómo me siento. Cómo deseo su amor más que el vuelo sí mismo. Sí, dejare mi carrera de piloto profesional para estar con ella.

Quiero enseñarle el mundo. Quiero compartir el mundo con ella con mis alas de oro. Quiero tomarla en el cielo, y ver mi reflejo, y el mundo entero detrás de mí, en sus ojos. Quiero ver lo que ella ve. Quiero ser su mundo.

Sí, ella es alguien muy especial. Con todo temo del rechazamiento. Creo que es que el mismo miedo que me guarda de hacer el salto con el vuelo me está guardando de decirle lo que siento. Una amiga cercana me dijo que necesito saltar al vuelo, y dejar de mi estancamiento. Si amo el volar tanto, necesito olvidar todo, y simplemente volar.

Debo olvidar el pasado. Necesito olvidar el pasado. Debo olvidar el hecho que habría podido avanzar con mi carrera del vuelo si nunca salimos de California. Me estaría preparando para mi licencia del ATP ahora. Debo ser. Cumplaré los 23 años en unos meses. Aunque no tengo todo lo que necesito, necesito empezar. Necesito volar. He rectificado mis finanzas. No hay razón para parar. Necesito empezar una vez por todas. Comenzar otra vez. Comenzar de nuevo.

Y comenzaré. Necesito a una amiga para llevar al cielo. Y quisiera que ella fuera mi copilota. La veo, y empiezan mis deseos de protegerla, amarla, acariciarla, respetarla, hacer que yo sere la unica persona quien ella puede depender.

That is all I want.

And I desire to spend the rest of eternity with her.

I had felt something similar before. But it didn't feel tangible. I was younger, and stupid. Now, I'm not as young, and not so stupid. One would think that the feeling wouldn't be as strong now that I'm older, and hormones stabilized. But it feels stronger. Stronger now.

I'll tell her something soon.

I have known her for some time now. But I have not seen her until just a couple of days ago. I had these feelings for a while now, but they didn't fire up to a blazing desire until recently. Prior to that point, the last time I saw her was a good 4 months (and we simply meet, not that often, but when we do, we just do).

Staying in Florida for the foreseeable future...

Initially, I wanted to move to Florida. Being close to family that I was never around, excellent opportunities for flight training, I mean, how bad could it get?

I was never fond of the weather, but it was a great place to visit.

My family moved to Florida the day after my graduation from high school, making me the only one in my generation of the Newball family to have had all his schooling in the Los Angeles Unified School District (which in spite of its shortfalls, is considerably superior to what Florida could ever offer). Regardless, I saw moving to Florida as a new horizon to cross. It was a transitional period anyway. High school to the unknown world (at the time), childhood to manhood, and from land-based person to pilot.

Once here, however, things didn't go as planned.

Part of our welcoming committee were two strong hurricanes that damaged the house my family had just bought. Companies that did repairs on the house did a cut-and-run job. They did a job halfway (quality-wise), charged an arm and a leg, and when trying to settle a charge, they were nowhere to be found. The company "folded", and the business owners disappeared from the face of the planet. 'Stick it to the customer' mentality, what I like to call the 'Florida' mentality.

I was listening a few years ago to a talk show host from the West Palm Beach area, who is originally from Northern California, and was shocked at how people manage to live in this state, with its low pay, and lower quality of life than what the West Coast offers. He later added that he enjoys living here.

I failed to see his logic.

I come from a city that never sleeps. I can literally, jump in the car, and find something to do, or get a midnight bite, or whatever comes to mind. In Florida, everything dies just after sunset. Nothing to do. My co-workers tell me about locations in downtown West Palm Beach, and I drive by them, with hardly any life. Is this what people call "fun"?

The transition has been so hard, one of my sisters became lactose intolerant (brought on by post-traumatic stress from the hurricanes), and I have become considerably more aggressive and, dare I say, paranoid (the former requires me to hold myself back at work). Something I never felt in California. And, my entire family agrees that it was the worst mistake we ever made.

Yes, it is something I now regret deeply and painfully.

We tried selling the house, but with the housing bubble bursting right as we were planning to move back, we were tied down to Florida. Stuck in the armpit of the universe.

But you take the bad with the good. I started attending Embry-Riddle, and I am working for an airline. I am doing what I can to wrap myself in that while I stay here. But once I get a better paying job, I am moving back to California. All my friends that have left LA regret that decision. And I agree with them. Los Angeles is home.

I'm a proud 'Angeleno'. I will do what I can to get back. Come hell of high water, I'm going back one way or another. My heart is still there, and I can't live without it.

Now to listen to some music that tugs at my heartstrings with California on my mind...
Jacob Wheeler - Magic (original, and instrumental)
Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass - Route 101
Randy Newman - I Love LA
George Strait - Marina Del Rey
Hall and Oates - Man on a Mission
Bob Marley and the Wailers - Satisfy My Soul
Hall and Oates - Life's Too Short